Strong Ties, Loose Connections, and the Power of Community

I recently read a New York Magazine article about “loneliness influencers” who create content documenting their life without friends. On the one hand, I admired their transparency about the increasing isolation young people are experiencing. But mostly It made me wonder about what we’ve lost. 

Because as a Gen X-er, I’ve straddled two very different words. Pre-internet involved landlines, Saturday afternoons “in town”, and the convoluted ritual of payphone calls and answering machine check-ins required for a rollicking night out with pals (IFYKYK).

Fast forward through the digital revolution (no biggie), and I now run a fully remote online business, with a large portion of my day behind a screen. And I know I’m not alone; so many of us:

• Work from home (at least part-time)
• Move more frequently (often to cities or towns that offer more space for less money)
• Spend much more time online that in shared physical spaces

Sure, there are upsides; Introverts tell me they are happier. Work/life balance and quality of life have the potential to increase. Not to mention, all those hours spent on NJ Transit (or your commuting hell of choice) you now get back.

But just as antibiotics wipe out your microbiome along with the infection, remote work removes many of the automatic and organic ways we used to connect in the course of an average day. 

During my NYC subway years I:

• Gave a choking man the Heimlich manoeuvre (thankfully it worked because I was kinda winging it)
• Found a client on the subway after complimenting her handbag
• Found another client in a coffee shop
• Went on a handful of dates (pre-husband, natch)
• Made a friend I’m still in touch with today 

And these are subway related encounters alone! 

If you’re feeling isolated, stuck, lonely or in desperate need of people who “get it”, you’re not alone. Read on for three practical ways to build connection, expand your network, and feel less alone in your creative business.

1) Show up where people already gather

Happily, you don’t need to build a community (though you can if you want – check out my Instagram Live with community builder, Dana Siomkos on June 23rd here). You can simply show up to a community someone else has created. Maybe that’s a networking group for local business owners, a meetup, or co-working space event. 

Every community doesn’t need to become your new best friends. Sometimes all you need is a room full of people who understand the challenges you’re navigating.

Can’t find one? Maybe you should consider starting something!

Action item: Do a little research and try some IRL community events out. From the Freelancer’s Union and Creative Mornings (all free), to local meetups and networking events, there are no shortage of options and price points.

2) Become a contributor, not just a consumer

We can all relate to the cringe-inducing feeling of walking into a room where you know no-one. Trust that at least half the room feels the same way. If you’re anything other than an extrovert, it might help to have a few strategies you can employ: 

• Ask a thoughtful question, either of the presenter or another attendee. Asking questions is a great way to be generous, memorable, and deflect the attention from yourself until you’re ready to step into the spotlight a bit more.
• Introduce two people, either at the event or as a follow up to a conversation. People appreciate and remember a connector

If you’re feeling brave, ask if you can lead an event.  When CreativeMornings rolled out member-led FieldTrips, I put my hand up to lead one. Was it scary to put myself out there? You betcha, but over the years, I’ve come to love supporting (and being supported by) hundreds of creatives around the world. Want to attend my FieldTrip, Reset + Refocus: A Mid-Year Tune Up for Your Goals ? You can save your spot here.

3) Invest in Strong Ties and Loose Connections

Back in the 1970s, a sociologist named Mark Granovetter noticed something surprising: more people found jobs and opportunities through acquaintances, not their closest friends. A phenomenon he called “the strength of weak ties.”

Your strong ties (close friends and family) know the same people, share similar experiences, and move in similar circles. They’re the folks you go to for emotional support, encouragement, and a safe place to land when life gets hard.

Loose connections serve a different purpose. They’re the person you meet at a workshop, the fellow business owner you chat with over coffee, the former colleague you occasionally bump into on LinkedIn, or the stranger whose handbag you compliment on the subway!

Because these people move in different circles, they bring fresh ideas, opportunities, introductions, and perspectives you wouldn’t otherwise encounter.

Strong ties support us. Loose connections expand us.

The healthiest communities contain both.

When I look back on my own career, most of the life-changing opportunities came from people I barely knew at the time. Someone who invited me to an event, made an introduction, or simply thought, “You two should talk.”  In fact, an old pal of mine, Louisiana John, texted me out of the blue yesterday asking if he could introduce me to an Olympian-turned-executive coach he met while on holiday in Ireland.

Yes, Louisiana John. You absolutely can.

Some of the most important people in your future are people you haven’t met yet.

Action item: Reach out to one loose connection this week. Invite someone for coffee. Attend an event. You never know where a simple conversation might lead.

Community isn’t just about finding clients, opportunities, or collaborators. It’s about remembering you’re part of something larger than yourself. And in a world that feels increasingly insular and uncertain, that’s no small thing.  Thank you for being part of my community!